Surviving Life's Lessons

November 5, 2012

Looking for me . . .

Filed under: Grieving — Tags: , , , , , , , — mlarocque11 @ 10:58 am

It’s strange how your mind helps you cope with events in your life.  I’ve had so much support from my whole family and, of course, the unwavering support of my friends.  You all have helped me focus on the new direction that my life is going and that touches me so deeply.  I’ve felt so lost for so long but somehow you all have helped me redirect my energy in a positive direction emotionally and spiritually.  This healing is making me a better mother to my girls and hopefully, a  better sister and friend.  I dreamt last week that Dave was telling me that I had to get rid of the “junk”.   He said I had to let go of these things that were a burden and holding me back from moving on.  He told me it was time and it was what I needed to do.  Then he held me and thanked me for loving him so much.  I felt like he was giving me permission to let go. Maybe not “permission” but encouragement.  When I woke up I felt like I was ready to start “getting rid of the junk” inside my mind.  My guilt doesn’t haunt me like it did and each day I feel like I’m closer to escaping from this intense grief.  I think this is the start of my healing and having that dream about Dave really helped me realize that I have to release these feelings or I can’t ever move on.

The ironic thing about life is that just once you think you’ve become the person you were meant to be, once you settle into that comfort zone with yourself and your family, you may think “it doesn’t get any better than this”.  All of a sudden life throws you a curve and you realize that perhaps your destiny is still yet to be.  Maybe this point in my life, in our lives, was supposed to be this way because God stil has more plans for me.  For Dave, I think he fulfilled what God had in store for him so God brought him home.  Perhaps God took him so that he could guide me and the girls in the right direction to where our lives are supposed to be.  Maybe Dave was meant to be our beacon, guiding us through  places and experiences in our lives.  He’s taught me so much already about the kind of person I want to be and the kind of women my daughters are meant to be.  His compassionate and unselfish qualities reminds us of the love of humanity he had in his heart.  That’s the direction I want us to go in and I believe we’re on the right track.

I am hoping one day our families will also realize this so they can move on with their grief.  His mom has been through so much with the loss of dad in December 2009 from cancer and now her youngest child.  She’s such a strong woman allowing herself to grieve privately but show a strong front for the rest of us.  His brothers and sisters are still coming to terms with why this had to happen to their youngest brother.  Together they are all moving on and I’m sure Dave is also guiding them in the direction their lives are meant to be.

I’m going to follow this beacon to see where it takes me and hopefully it will guide me to the Me I’m meant to be.

3 Comments »

  1. […] Looking for me . . .. […]

    Pingback by Looking for me . . . « How I'm Surviving Life's Lessons — November 5, 2012 @ 12:13 pm

  2. that wasnt a dream Michelle. Thank god he gave you that message because its true, your life isnt over and its not what you thought it was going to be…theres more wonderful stuff for you to feel, give and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by dawn baca — November 5, 2012 @ 4:58 pm

    • Its hard to imagine that there is better stuff to come. I thought I had everything I ever wanted and needed in my life. We were so happy loved being a family but I guess I’ll have to move on and find out what’s next.

      Comment by mlarocque11 — November 5, 2012 @ 7:01 pm


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